I went to watch myself on the "Gilmore Girls" on Wednesday, but having never seen the "Gilmore Girls" I got confused. I started watching "American Idol" instead. I kept waiting for which one was me and then that army guy came on and for a minute I thought that was me. The same square head, staunch determination, push-up formed arms... then he started to sing and I thought "what’s wrong?" But then an ad for Pizza Hut came on and I got happy.

See I’ve never been able to watch myself on TV any way. I keep thinking who’s that weird little guy with the big head? And yes, it’s me. So if I’m ever at home, TV changer under my chin, "grazing" as the kid’s call it, and I happen to see my face on some TV show, I scream and quickly look away. It’s like seeing an ex-girlfriend in a laundry mat and you pretend you don’t see each other. But really – you do. Not that I’ve ever been in a laundry mat. Not that I’ve ever been drunk buying Kentucky Fried Chicken. But if you see me drunk in Kentucky Fried Chicken or in a laundry mat eating Kentucky Fried Chicken or laundering it, don’t worry if you didn’t see me on the "Gilmore Girls" - that way we’ll have something in common.