Man do I love commercials. My problem is they're too short. You just really get involved in someone's life, their stain problem, their foray onto the information highway...and then it's over. The one for Shake n' Bake made me cry. The one for the local Dodge dealership made me laugh like a child who just heard a cop fart. All those cars lined up - where will they all go? Boy, this stuff is good. I'm glad they made the Michelin man skinny.

What is happening to me? I found in my hand an aqua-colored foam beer cozy. In it is a Miller Lite can. I want to drink Miller Lite and be like everybody else. The ads for Domino's Pizza look good. I want to order it right now. I just want an apartment with a spontaneous girlfriend. I want to watch block busters. The newest records seem like a good idea. When Madonna rhymes "fly," "sky" and "high" I think to myself, it's so true.

I look at the Miller Lite in my hand, the foam cozy makes it so I don't even have to touch anything, and as I swallow my beer, I don't taste anything and I'm comforted to know I"m like a lot of other people.