The following is a monologue I wrote for the Letter to Wendy’s Production. It was performed by a young insolent rave-teenager.

Drive Thru

Working at Wendy’s is a great equalizer. I work with this women she’s really old and she always going on about her ‘family’ – boo hoo hoo – how she’s got to get money for food and medicine for her ‘family’–she has no idea how expensive my world is. It’s kind of weird, it’s my first job and it’s going to be her last – and we both get paid the same amount. I work the drive-thru. Or ‘the line’ which is a technical term for it. I ‘toss the bag’. A ‘bag’ is a technical term for their order ‘cause it’s in a bag. I think we use those fancy terms so you ‘civilians’ won’t have any idea what we’re talking about. I know working the drive-thru sounds exciting, but it can be really hard. Like you see some pretty gross stuff, like some people don’t even wear shoes. A lot of people eat it in their cars ‘cause they are busy, lazy or both. Or people use the line who are who um whatchamacallit …can’t walk. And mostly really fat people tend to use the line.

Like sometimes, I’m not kidding, someone will get an order-then get back in line while eating their first order and by the time they’ve looped around -they order again. And they think I won’t remember them, “lady I would never forget those feet.” And some folks look really like ashamed. Like they are having an affair or something. They won’t look straight ahead when they get their bag.

Sometimes a guy sounds really sweet on the intercom but then he comes up and he’s really gross. Sometimes if I hate someone, like just by their voice which is very easy, I’ll say “pull up. Stop. Back up, turn off your car.” And then I make them lean really far or drop their change. You know really crazy stuff like that?

Today was off the hook, because our crew chief didn’t come to work because of some really lame excuse. Oh yeah … her grandpa died or something like that. So I’m taking an order and this mom is crying so loud, because she had all these kids and kind of snapped or whatever. And as I kind of figured out between ... whatchamacallit? Oh ya ‘gut wrenching sobs that come from the marrow of your bones’ I kind of understand that her husband left her and her kids, and between driving her kids to soccer practice, and school and stuff apparently she hadn’t been out of her car for over three years.

I was thinking the other day “I guess people who use the drive-thru don’t wash their hands before they eat. Do they?”